MB: Casey thank you so much for becoming a part of our KinkE Family and sharing your insights with us today.
Casey upon reading your site, I see we have a lot in common, especially in the area of heartbreak area of your life in how that strengthen you inner self. I lived a very similar experience. At this time in your life, before the ‘rebirth’ of finding yourself, what were your journals entries like early on? Did they express anger/pain disappointment?
Casey: My journal entries at that time reflected a lot of hurt, anger, lack of understanding and “whoa-as-me,” “what’s wrong with me?”
MB: Through the writing and expressing fears of the unknown and excitement of the possibilities, what did you learn about yourself in your previous relationship?
Casey: What I learned about myself was that I hadn’t been true to myself throughout my marriage. I did things to make him comfortable with me and it ultimately caused me to live a lie and caused him to ultimately not like me. In fact, I always say he fell in love with the fantasy of me and not the “real” me, therefore, I tried to be something I wasn’t.
MB: You mention also how as young ladies, we are raised to be mindful of our bodies, our choices but yet, having another man come in an invade our space will make us dirty and the joy of sex and exploration is wrong. When did this realization come for you?
Casey: Actually, my mom was very encouraging of relationships and her feelings around sex. What I learned was she and I had a very unique relationship - there was nothing about sex that my mom wouldn’t talk about. She talked so much, I was often embarrassed by what she would say but as I got older and dated different people, her words played through my mind as I recognized or experienced the things she had often talked about and I was so super grateful because I was never ashamed of anything I did or wanted to do.
MB: The challenges of womanhood - The anatomy of the vagina! Let’s talk!
Casey: At a very early age my mom introduced me to “the power of the pussy!” I didn’t understand it at first but through my years in college, I developed my first level of understanding. I had a confidence about sex that made me very attractive to guys - even when they knew they couldn’t have it, they still wanted to be near it, wanted to sniff it, catch a glimpse of it. After I got divorced and rediscovered that person, I learned more about its power to help me create and heal - both using sexual energy.
MB: In my time of publishing Kink~ E Magazine, getting to know different writers and adult educators within this industry, I’ve learned some men (not all) are not very respectful of a female owned sex business. Are men still insecure with the fact that woman can better understand what other women are looking for when it comes to sexuality?
Casey: I think some men are uncomfortable with a women who owns her sexuality and is comfortable with it. Stereotypes have hindered many a relationship and stunted sexual growth for both sexes. Women are made to feel bad about being highly sexual and not afraid to demonstrate that outside the bedroom. So many men have to feel in control and dominant that they don’t realize they’re giving up nothing to let a woman fully explore her sexual-self. There are plenty of women who aren’t comfortable with their sex for whatever reason but for those of us that aren’t ashamed to let our freak flag fly, don’t put us in a corner because you can’t handle it. And I’m not talking about women that want to explore being dominant, I’m talking about women who want to explore any and everything.
MB: One of the things that come to mind is the mental abuse people can endure on women who are strong and powerful in their own right. I’m not sure why this came to mind at this moment but let’s talk about that. How can women find that surge of empowerment for themselves without succumbing to mental abuse?
Casey: Honestly, that’s a tough one to avoid. “Why?” you may ask. Because mental abuse doesn’t look the same for everyone. I was always a dominant leader as I was growing up but my ex knew exactly what to say to make me minimize myself, he knew what to say to shut me up and he never said a mean or nasty word. Recognize when you’re being manipulated and while it may be hard not to succumb to the feelings of being belittled or manipulated, being conscious of what’s going on puts you in a better position of correcting the situation as opposed to shrinking into it.
MB: The web is filled with information, as you mention on your site, but not everything on the web is “kosher” so to speak. What are the ways, we can find the correct information that will help us through our journey?
Casey: I’m still looking for information I can trust. (Its part of the reason I created my twitter show Casey@Night.) What has been most helpful to me is engaging likeminded people and finding out they’re going through or have gone through similar experiences and while they may not have the answers, knowing you’re not alone is the best feeling.
MB: Please share with our readers about the Sexual Rainbow.
Casey: So when I was doing research for my stories and the development of my writer persona, I came across an article from Netscape that talked about describing your sex life based on your favorite colors. After reading the descriptions, I thought they had it all wrong - I love wearing white and white on the Sexual Rainbow is described as a person that thinks sex is dirty, done in the dark and always under the covers. I started having sex in public early in my sexual development so that clearly didn’t describe me. Black and red, on the other had, are me every day, all day. I love kinky sex and I am most definitely a sadomasochist. But I also have moments when I want to pretend to be someone else (orange) or be more romantic and slow about the moment (brown). There are eleven colors in my Sexual Rainbow with black at one end and white at the other. You can be multiple colors at one time or just one all the time. I encourage people to be comfortable with their color; be the best in your color; explore the different shades of your color and then venture out into other colors even if for just a moment.
MB: I gotta ask because it’s affecting everyone…FOSTA/SESTA. What are your thoughts on this law and how has it affected in how you do business?
Casey: Fortunately it hasn’t effected me but I believe FOSTA/SESTA are yet another attempt to control women. While they’re suppose to stop sex trafficking, they create barriers for those that offer consensual services of a mature nature. The powers that be got away with it because not enough of us vote or know what the issues are until its too late and then we’re fighting from a defensive position rather than an offensive one. There are many, many, many laws on the books that are ridiculous and yet there is little being done to change them. One of the most outrageous to me is in North Carolina where “NO” doesn’t mean NO. Once you consent to a sexual act, you can’t change your mind and then claim rape if your partner refuses to stop. The law is very specific to first encounters but really, what difference does it make first, second or third. If someone is allowed to sexually assault me after I said NO, then I have no value and no voice. The federal government also pays for abstinence classes that leave some young ladies ashamed of their sexual experiences or ignorant to how sexually transmitted diseases happen. Our government repeatedly de-values women in so many ways. Its shameful.
MB: How well versed do you believe people today are with the Fosta/Sesta laws?
Casey: Some know them well enough to find a workaround while most of us have no idea what the acronyms even stand for. And the majority of people who are familiar with it, are in the adult entertainment industry or identify as a sex worker. The average person has no clue SESTA/FOSTA exists.
MB: Advice to those who incite panic on the internet throwing out claims you can’t do business with “said business” and offering no solutions in regards to this issue.
Casey: While referrals and vetting is helpful when you’re dealing in the sex industry, some of us cry wolf because we were a poor communicator and things went wrong or we didn’t do our own due diligence. I appreciate being put on notice but lets be careful about the things we may not understand. We are sometimes our own worst critics and can make things harder for each other in our pursuit of shutting someone else down.
MB: What or who inspires you?
Casey: I am inspired by women that exude confidence along side their vulnerability. Being vulnerable is expected of women but being able to stand strong while letting your weaknesses be known takes a lot of courage. Being that kind of transparent is amazing and it takes a strong person to open themselves to potential criticism and continue to hold their head high.
MB: What are your daily rituals to keep you grounded on a day to day?
Casey: I don’t know that I would call anything I do a ritual but I have found that no matter how long my day, I feel better when I take a minute to “veg out.” Allowing myself and hour or two to do absolutely nothing productive other than give my mind a break from the stresses of the day, keeps me from snapping. I’ve also found myself happier in sharing moments of appreciation for others AND myself. I also try to admire what’s great about me because I certainly can find things to criticize and that is counterproductive.
MB: “I won’t tolerate…..”
MB: “My biggest success is…..”
Casey: Saying YES! I’ve had so many amazing experiences because I said YES to opportunities.
MB: How do you view a failure today as you did in the past?
Casey: Today failure is not trying. In other words, I would rather try something and not get it right versus not trying at all for FEAR of not getting it right. Nothing we have today was created perfectly the first time it was discovered. Failure is the formula for success.
MB: With the knowledge you have today, if you can go back to yourself in the past, what would you say?
Casey: Its not you, its them. Stop dumbing down to make others more comfortable. If people can’t appreciate who you are exactly as they meet you, then they aren’t meant to last in your life. Find your tribe, they’ll love you for you.
MB: If today you decided, “I’ve completed my work” and walk away from the industry, how would you like to be remembered?
Casey: I want to be remembered for igniting effective communication, for wearing tutus, corsets and fishnets and for making people comfortable being a freaky kinkster or vanilla lover. There is nothing wrong with either and I hope I can help people embrace them both.
MB: Anything else we may have missed?
Casey: I love the opportunity to have conversations like these. Thank you so much for giving me a chance to talk to your audience.
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