My name is Daire Faust (pronouned Daw-ra Fowst) and I’m a erotic romance story teller, adult toy and book reviewer, sex blogger, and freelance kink writer
I have a particular fondness for BDSM, fabulously fat and nerdy fiction characters in erotica, and generally geeking out over smut. You can read more of my work at SmutGeek.com and follow heme for kinky goodness on Twitter @TheSmutGeek.
As a geeky, fat, bisexual, polyamorous woman, I sought erotica and sex information from people like myself and found very little. I decided to make some to help fill the gap.
When it comes to being a sex enthusiast or risking the term “sexpert”, I prefer to be a geek (someone bordering on obsessed while also having a lot of fun in their interest). I’m also a bit of a geek in the general sense of the term. My love for sci-fi and fantasy, horror movies (especially old ones and b-films), gaming (I adore Skyrim), anime and manga, and more is only rivaled by my love of writing. I often incorporate these interests into her kinks and sex life as well as her erotica writing.
I began sharing my kinky life on a blog in 2010/2011 and went strong until about 2013/2014. After a hiatus ,I spent much of my time writing in a different genre, I returned to the kink community in 2018. I realized how much I missed it as well as how much more fun it was than the writing on other topics. The switch has been a natural one as I seek to have more fun in my life.
BDSM: A Geek Haven?
Digging into the possible reasons why geeks and nerds navigate into the BDSM and kink world.
When I first realized that every person I knew that was interested in kink or BDSM was also a geek of some sort, I thought it was interesting. I chalked it up to like minded people being drawn together and that, surely, it was just a small section of kinksters that were also geeky. However, the idea didn’t leave me and when I traveled across the country and spent time online talking to other BDSM aficionados, I realized that this sub-sect was certainly not small. I had to ask - was the kink community and BDSM becoming a geek haven or had it always been this way, and why?
Perception or Crossed Passions
The link between the geek community and the kink subculture could be chalked up to a number of things that are all just perception. Whether the subcultures are simply more accessible and acceptable by the mainstream is certainly a consideration.
Geekery and Kink has become more accessible. With the advent of the internet, we can now connect with people like us. Its easier to not only find people into a certain topic but also interested in the very specific part that we love about that topic. We no longer have to just meet up with people who like comics and find maybe one person who likes hard core slave lifestyle comics. We can now find websites and social media groups dedicated to this particular sub-topic. Same goes for the kink crowd. We don’t have to settle for finding all the kinksters and hoping someone shares a particular fetish. We can now find the community that adores a particular fetish just as much as you do.
This ease can create blinders to the rest of the community. These blinders might suggest to geeky kinksters like myself, is everyone in the kink community a geek like me?
Subcultures are becoming more and more accepted. Superhero movies becoming blockbuster hits, tech-geek billionaires on the cover of magazines, and sexy celebrities admitting they have nerdy tendencies all lend towards the open appreciation and embracing of being a geek as a good thing.
While not as openly adored, kink is becoming more acceptable at least among people already interested in sex for pleasure. Bondage toys and accessories are available in some mall stores, most adult stores, and featured in more and more mainstream porn. Most adults nowadays at least know what you’re referencing when BDSM is mentioned in conversation even if they don’t practice.
With both subcultures rising in popularity, its easier to be open about interests and have conversations about them. This creates a larger pool of people to intermingle and relate with and, in turn, to see connections with.
Geeks are Just More Likely To Be Kinky
After looking at the chances that this connection could just be a fluke of human behavior, I looked at the other side of the coin. Could geeks, by nature, be kinkier than other people? Could kinksters just be geeky? If this is the case, what hard wiring in their brain made them not only passionate about their interests that makes them geeks but also passionate about BDSM and sex?
A Passionate People
The definition of a geek is someone who is considered eccentric or non-mainstream, generally an expert or enthusiast. When someone says geek, many types of people might come to mind. Someone who adores comics and superhero movies, who is obsessed with the latest technology or even works in the computer industry, or who is passionate about a topic that isn’t particularly popular in the mainstream world. Passionate is probably the key word here (though enthusiasm or obsession are just as common).
Kinksters and people who are practice BDSM are geeks in their own right. Despite having its hay day with the 50 Shades books and movies that have allowed the suburban housewife the freedom to experiment with a little bondage and discipline, kink is not mainstream or wholly accepted. Those who practice or live the lifestyle are at the very least enthusiasts and often even more than that - especially those who make their business in the industry.
Geeks, even the kinky ones, tend to have more than one interest or topic that they know a lot about. Usually these topics overlap but not necessarily. With this in mind, its perfectly feasible that someone who is an enthusiast in one field will be passionate in another - like science fiction movies and consensual slave training.
All this comes down to, geeks are passionate people and kink, in its very nature, requires passionate people to practice.
Gadgets and Costumes Galore
One area that I think draws people who are geeky to the kink world is that it is certainly a haven for those who like toys, props, and costumes. When looking at geek culture, conventions and collectables are both topics that pop up almost immediately.
Geeks love costume play (cosplay) to show that they not only are a fan of a certain character or piece of media but to also display their knowledge and passion by committing to this skill of creation and wearing/being in character.
Geeks love collecting paraphernalia (toys, props, posters, autographs, and so much more) related to the topic they are passionate about. Some collections are very extensive and valuable, requiring time and knowledge to put together.
BDSM and kink certainly has a lot to offer people who are into this sort of thing. We have bondage gear, sex toys, fuck machines, sex robots, latex, animal costumes complete with butt plug tails and muzzle masks, and the list goes on and on.
Nothing New in the Galaxy
Geeks being kinky isn’t exactly breaking news. Not only am I not the first person to see the connections, but they are very common in the books, movies, and tv shows that geeks love.
While we can read into the bondage themes of Wonder Woman and the latex clad superheroes, scantily clad slave Leia, and barely dressed female characters in video games - we don’t have to look far for the real deal. Bondage, kink, and more can be found in very popular fantasy and sci-fi such as Frank Herbert’s Dune series, A.I.’s robots with all the working parts, and orgasmic mind-play in Robert Onopa’s Pleasure Tube. Even the most popular BDSM series of the past, John Norman’s Gor novels, are based around a society that practices Master and slave style BDSM. The kink has been present for a very long time.
What’s great about all of this is that there are many outlets for kinky geeks. Online communities, message boards, books, movies, and events like Dungeons + Geekdoms all cater to these interconnected passions.
BDSM Expert lunaKM of The Submissive's Guide: Is BDSM the Nerds and Geeks Club
The Cut: Was BDSM Always This Nerdy?
Turtle Hill Events: Dungeons + Geekdoms