Originally Published November 2017
Name and City:
Mistress Elena Hexthorn, London U.K.
-How did you find the Domination life?
I have been a lifestyle and professional Mistress since the 90’s. I have always loved the lifestyle. It’s been especially great from the start as I was able to engage with a lot of intelligent submissives and was involved in a lot of hands-on rope bondage.
How have you come to find domination serving your needs?
I found it a lot easier when I became a pro. Maintaining a sterile dungeon and equipment was a lot easier and I enjoyed the practical aspect of that. It’s good to have slaves and submissives who accept that to maintain a dungeon requires input. That aspect has allowed me to expand my repertoire of expertise in different types of kink that has always fascinated me. It’s an inherent part of my dna.
-What have been the misconceptions of BDSM?
There have been a lot of dark misconceptions about BDSM. People think there is something wrong with us and it saddens me that it’s a type of sexuality that a lot of people have to keep quiet about still, to this day. No one ever does anything they don’t want to do. Mistresses and Masters alike are always devoted to the safety and security of their chattels. We understand the difference between harm and damage. We never damage, whether that be emotionally or physically. This is about play and exploration into some of the taboo areas of the mind in an arena that allows the slave to discover and fulfil their fantasies.
- Why is it important to educate oneself about Fetish Lifestyle and BDSM? Should you know any method such as CPR?
Over the years of Mistressing, I found myself learning almost everything I needed to know about a slave’s state of mind simply by monitoring the way they breathe. When I ran London Fetish Fair, we had a lot of workshops not only to educate but to expand the options of play for our visitors. I do know CPR but, it’s never been needed. Not even close has it been needed. It’s always been good to know a bit about a subject’s medical background. It’s important to educate yourself about BDSM because sex will never be the same again. It’s a point in time where you realise the vast ocean of types of play you can enjoy. And besides, the clock is ticking. You need to get motivated and get out there and play.
-Why is mind fucking an important aspect of BDSM and is it the main aspect?
Mind fucking is a hugely important part of BDSM. It lends the light-heartedness and humour to a scene that can bring a subject back into their comfort zone. Also, the brain is the main sex organ. It emits all the chemicals and endorphins. Humans often have vastly unexplored neural pathways in their mind and BDSM not only strengthens these neural pathways but stimulates further creativity within the mind. I believe Sex and BDSM are good for you and natural. This is all consensual and if more people engaged in it and didn’t repress it, the world would have a lot less problems.
-How can a slave distinguish the difference a Dominatrix who understands the level of the lifestyle and someone who is just asking for money?
Slaves need to understand the mindset of a Dominatrix. It’s not like we can all write ‘Dominatrix’ on our curriculum vitaes. Mistresses make a conscious choice to pursue this lifestyle and we want valid and devoted submissives to play with. We have needs and fantasies too that we pursue throughout our careers and lifestyles as a Mistress. To have a slave or servant that actually cares about how you live is optimal for us. If I was a multi- millionaire would I still be a Mistress? The answer to that is yes. It’s in my DNA. It may seem uncomfortable for some submissives to pay for a Dominatrixes’ services, but what they are paying towards is the maintenance of the dungeon and the facilitation of keeping the Mistress from pursing other career choices as I haven’t met a multi – talented Mistress yet who couldn’t do whatever she wanted to in life. Payment can sometimes be viewed not only as a form of worship of the Mistress but also moral support.
As a ProDomme, other than findom, what are one of the things you look for in a sub?
Intelligence is paramount to me. The more intelligent the slave is, the bigger the playing field is for me. Age, looks etc are all secondary. It’s those great unusual minds that adore interesting kinky scenarios that really keep me excited about playing with them.
Why are these things important to you?
It’s important to me because as I said before the clock is ticking. The quality of play I engage in is just as important to me as it is to my counterpart chattel. I want to be able to get through to their mind and body in the time I have to play with them. And like all humans, I may only have 80 or so years to play like that. So I have to make it count.
-What are the most important things a slave should know when seeking to service you?
The most important things a slave should understand about me is that they are the show and I am the business. I am not to be told how to dominate them. I talk to them. I find out what they like, but it’s down to me to refine those scenes. Slaves are not to manipulate a scene. They should trust me and understand it will take a few sessions for me to build up a BDSM picture as to how their mind works. They need to understand I am focussing in on them individually and ensuring success in the process of hitting all the buttons in their mind. This doesn’t happen overnight.
-Thoughts on Dominatrixes flaunting personal life (example, pictures of children, etc.) – should it be done, yes or no?
I am an ‘out’ kinky person. People I play with may or may not be. I have no children. I am very devoted to the lifestyle. With that said, I have a large bank of other interests and no human is a one-trick pony. Everyone is entitled to have a life outside of BDSM and I think it makes life more complete to attend to that as well.
-With the explosion of the internet and the social lifestyle of BDSM, how important is community support between Dommes?
I think community support is very important between Mistresses. Not only about technical issues within BDSM play scenarios but also to empower the other Mistresses to pursue everything they want to do with their lives. Other Mistresses are people I see a lot as like my sisters. They are not vending machines and this is not burger king where you go into a dungeon and order this or that. Because that is not domination. A good Mistress wants to activate the fantasies a submissive has without being told what to do. We already know what we want to do.
-How important is anonymity for your client especially when Clips4Sale has become a viable business to promote your product and brand?
I think anonymity is very important. Because society still looks at the fetish lifestyle in a very narrow minded way, it’s important to protect their privacy if they request that.
-Your favorite fetish session?
I enjoy sexual blackmail scenarios the most at the moment. But I go through different phases all the time.
My favourite punishment is psychological torment. Hands down nothing is more of a turn on than creating an internal mental battle within the slave’s mind.
-Your biggest Pet Peeve:
When a slave disobeys: When a slave disobeys he is angling for punishment. This can cause the withholding of punishment. Being a sadist, means I punish sometimes for no reason at all. I may not know what they have done wrong. But the slave always knows what they have done wrong. Which is probably everything. I like them to obey. I like to train them to suit my needs of them. That is their position in life and this is mine. It is a symbiotic relationship. If they to be in charge I suggest they buy themselves a wardrobe of fetish clothing plus equipment and start their own dungeon. The mustn’t disobey because they are interfering with the power exchange and that is bad manners.
-Where can your future slaves find you?
I can be found at www.elenahexthorn.co.uk
Or via my twitter account www.twitter.com/elenahexthorn
My first two BDSM books “Very Kinky Girls” & “How to Make Ghosts” can be found at amazon on kindle, in print and via audible.