In 2105, we had the pleasure of interviewing Mistress Daria. A lot has changed and Mistress Daria is more fierce than ever. Here is our follow up interview.
What made you curious about the BDSM Lifestyle and how were you introduced?
MD: I became curious in high school. I had friends who were Pro Dommes that worked at the Rook in Dallas. I went to many underground clubs around this time.
How many years since the introductions and going pro?
MD: I became a Pro in 2001
Was there ever a time where someone thought maybe it wasn’t a good idea to be involved with BDSM or even in the business aspect to make money from it?
MD : Yes. I expressed an interest in high school but my boyfriend at the time was concerned about safety and I chose to not pursue it, despite the friends involvement.
How did you handle their suggestions (if any)?
MD: Years later I basically told anyone who didn’t like it to mind their own business.
What were your beginnings like when under mentorship?
MD: It was very basic at first. Just practicing basic concepts.
Were you excited at the prospects of learning different types of specialties?
MD: Oh yes. I was constantly wanting to learn new things.
How did you decide what type of Dominatrix you intended to market and how to brand yourself?
MD: - It took a while for Me to find Myself. I discovered My style through trial and error of personal experiences.
Which specialty (or specialties) became your favorite?
MD: - I’m quite fond of the single tail and cane, impact play in general. But I also thoroughly enjoy heavy bondage. My third favorite is definitely foot worship.
Once you got your feet wet, what was the feeling like when you ventured on your own and doing sessions?
MD: Exhilarating and just absolutely thrilling.
Is there a thriving scene where you live? Do you attend events or workshops?
MD: I do occasionally attend events and workshops depending on My travel schedule.
How important is it for you to continue your personal education in keeping with the safety for sessions and what precautions did you take to ensure you and your clients were safe at all times?
MD: I really think you must never quit learning. I like to attend DomCon for this reason. It’s always great to do research and get new information.
Does it include CPR?
MD: I occasionally recertify for this. I’m due for a new one.
Why is it important for a client to disclose any personal health issues?
MD: Because many positions and pieces of equipment can conflict with certain medications as can injuries and joint issues. Clear communication is everything.
Have you or do you travel?
MD: Yes and yes
Favorite place you have travelled and why?
MD: I love Chicago and New York. I’m not sure I have a favorite though. I’ve had an amazing time in Houston and Denver and Austin as well!
Least Favorite and why?
MD: Well I’m not sure I had the greatest time in OKC but I’m guessing it could have changed.
Running Your Business
Real Time Domme or Online Domme, or both?
Which one do you find more lucrative?
MD: They both have their moments. It just depends on which one I’m focused on.
How important is anonymity for your client especially when clips sites have become a viable business to promote your product and brand?
MD: It’s always important to practice discretion as much as possible since this type of information is often weaponized. But in regards to clipsites, I don’t shoot clips, so that part is not relevant for me.
What are your thoughts about sharing your personal life or others exposing their own personal life (pictures of family members, etc.)? Is it better to keep your professional and family life separate?
MD: I’m of the opinion for the most part that is a good idea.
Have you had to change any vetting system while the growth of the internet continues to evolve so that you don’t run into any issues with fake subs trying to not pay for their time? (It’s okay if you do not choose to detail your vetting system).
MD: Yes it seems the masses have become somewhat zombie like in their dealings with us. It’s very important for good subs to distinguish themselves with excellent behavior and cooperation.
Was there ever a time you had to turn someone down from serving you?
What suggestions did you give in order for a sub to improve if you saw the need for improvement?
MD: It’s usually regarding phone etiquette or initial contact. Do not contact without a formal introduction. Also make sure to read the website first, follow proper protocol!
What is something you learned or discovered that you wish someone would have told you before you entered the profession and/or lifestyle or maybe to help run your business a little different?
MD: To network with other ladies in order to travel.
Social Media and Community
What have been misconceptions of BDSM other than 50 Shades?
MD: That there is a sociopath behind every Dominant.
What’s the BIGGEST misconception you find to be a reoccurring theme?
MD: That all Pro Dommes hate men and are looking to destroy them (primarily because of many popular online narratives it seems)
How does the ‘mind-fuck’ element plays a key role in Femdom?
MD: BDSM is built on a mental scape.
Why is it important?
MD: The pleasure is derived from its most cerebral source, therefore... no mind game, no BDSM.
How important are the aspects of mentoring and the relationship you have with mentors and/or mentees?
MD: Absolutely of the highest importance. I would not be here today without my mentors. It’s also important to give back. So I teach also.
What do you think of the ‘instadomme’ phenomena? Are these young ladies looking to make a quick buck or perhaps finding their place and following suit from inexperienced ladies.
MD: Well, it’s hard for me to watch it. It took me many years to build my practice. It is true and sincere. But the instadomme is just a byproduct of the internet. If clients who are novices would be more encouraged to do their research they could avoid getting scammed or even harmed by the inexperienced who have not secured proper training.
How can a slave distinguish the difference a ProDomme who understands the level of the lifestyle and someone who is just asking for money?
MD: Well there are certainly ladies who only engage in bdsm for money. I don’t see a problem with that at all. Especially if the client himself has no need or want for a lifestyle situation. I keep personal submissives because I enjoy the interaction. But in previous years I went through phases where I was too busy to train anyone outside of work. The question one must ask oneself: why do I care what any particular Domina does in her spare time? If the answer is, I seek to judge her decisions, then the attitude is wrong. You can see a demonstration of skill within the motion of the time spent with her during a professional session. If you are seeking to become part of a stable, I highly recommend booking a regular session and making a good impression, then applying for a position in the stable or applying for consideration based on any instructions you find on her website, on Fetlife or during the inquiry process of sending a letter to her email box.
How has EXXXOTICA, DomCon and other shows have helped your business?
MD: I have gained much educational exposure during Domcon and had the great fortune to network with lots of great ladies.
There are those who use their social media platforms to express opinions about BDSM which are not highly regarded as constructive criticism and can be quite hateful, (i.e. kink shaming). Is it a good idea to express hateful opinions, or express yourself in a general term or say nothing at all?
MD: Well social media is the problem. The backlash is understandable since we really get thrown in with everything else and viewed by a lot of people previously shielded from our behavior which for the uninformed is always shocking or even disturbing. If we had a site, say like Fetlife, that was social media for strictly sex industry related stuff, things would be better. Hateful is different than criticism. In general, if one is not open to criticism, then limiting exposure to the public, of the actions or behavior being criticized is basically wise. There is no reason to drag others into your kink. If in fact you do, they express disgust or upset, it is in fact their free speech in so far as it does not disrupt your life, liberty or property. And what I mean to say here, is that hate speech can be defined as a call to action of violence against you, that effects your health or body, your ability to work or damages your property. Criticism might hurt your feelings but is within the scope of your agreement by default, when you post sensitive material in a public forum. I’m not really quite keen but n what the internet has done to interfere with our community at large. It has diluted much of our process and protocols. Social media poured gasoline on that fire. Everyone needs to sit back and think of better ways to handle things in the future.
Domme bashing yea or nay?
MD: It does seem that again, criticism works to moderate behavior. I’ve always said we are a self maintenance community. However, the brief snippets of info and out of context pictures on twitter and the like can be quite triggering and without providing enough real information, can also trigger lynch mobs. You need to ask yourself, do I know the whole story, before chiming in about something or someone you do not know.
During recent events, clips and pictures surfaced of a client who was bruised to a point that raised concern for the BDSM community as a whole, while others regarded it as a client who was paying for what he wanted. While we know rough play exists, is this something for the social media consumption and kept private or not be done at all, even if this is what the client requested? Yes exactly this. I think it’s foolish to post pictures of many things at this point. It’s really just a matter of discretion. It’s my belief that those photos were really disturbing. It’s also my belief that the level of outcry that happened from the Domme community was equal parts self defense from the public vanilla eye as well as genuine concern for the subs well being. This goes back to the idea that social media just isn’t the place to be posting a lot of this stuff. Fetlife is perhaps a better alternative. I do wonder if she had worked him over on a kink.com video if acceptance of it would have been more well received.
Why is it important for yourself and as a community to support the lifestyle and stand with other Dommes?
MD: Because it’s an issuer of basic freedom, the sovereignty of self, your autonomy rests in the power for you to make your decisions regarding what happens to your body. Otherwise you truly are a slave, an non-consenting victim of tyranny, which we have established is wrong and we must fight.
Does having a social media presence help your business be more lucrative or do you find other ways that have helped you in the past to promote your business accordingly?
MD: I must admit I see business from it, but I am constantly looking at moving away from it.
FOSTA/SESTA has been quite the thorn in affecting how we all run our businesses. Have you been affected?
MD: I was effected emotionally. This fear mongering is the tool of the truly evil in my opinion.
What steps have you taken to ensure the integrity of your business?
MD: I have restructured much of my advertising and worked in different was to build multiple streams of income. A new focus on networking has been very helpful.
All About You
Do you keep a personal blog (not for public consumption) of your sessions just to gage on the day and the feelings/subspace that took place during the sessions with your sub?
MD: I do not keep a journal of this exclusively. But I do keep a journal.
Have you ever thought perhaps a session could have done differently?
MD: Yes several times.
What are some of the lessons you have learned so far in life, professionally or personally?
MD: Well a crossover of the two would be greater discretion. I don’t like lying so I told many people who just could not understand what I was doing and that hurt my personal life. The lesson that I learned was that not everyone you meet needs to know everything about you.
Did these lessons come with difficulty and make you who you are today?
MD: Yes they did and absolutely formed who I am today.
What memories of the best time of your life always keep you grounded?
MD: When building my first dungeon, I had some of the most awesome creative surges of my life. It was an awesome time during which many wonderful subs served me regularly. I loved it.
What are some of ‘must do’ your rituals before beginning your day?
If you left the BDSM life tomorrow, what would you want your slaves and your peers to remember most about what you taught them?
MD: That dominance does not equal violence, abuse or being an asshole.
Advice to new ladies coming on board and discovering their FemDom side?
MD: Stay humble. Don’t forget how to do things for yourself.
A mentor of mine always used to say, don’t buy your own bullshit. I think Feynman said “You must never fool yourself and you are the easiest person to fool.”
MD: The internet and social media have broken down our ability to interact socially in a healthy way. Our community needs to pull to together in a call to action wherein the result is a centering of our members. There is no way that we can correctly interact with the multiple vanilla communities who oppose us, by constantly exposing ourselves to them, out of context, via social media. If we wish to have peace we must build it with real design and earnest intent.
And now your social media and websites:
@mistressdaria on Twitter and Instagram (www.instagram.com/mistressdaria)