I am very excited to share with you this month's Domination Nation Queen Feature Madame Margherite!
MB: One of the things I noticed on your site is “paypig”, “loser”, etc is nowhere to be found. If anything, you note you hold your subs in high regard and respect. When you began your life in Dominatrix, did you immediately think you desired and sought something different?
MM: Thank you for noticing. I think there are a variety of types of Dommes and many different styles of dominance. Most of the Dominatrix’ I know hold their Submissives in high regard, I just tend to show that a little more. It’s my belief that the people close to us set the standard for how others will treat us and so I treat the people in my life well. I also consider who might be watching, reading or listening- someone outside of our community who doesn’t understand how we use that language, might see me using it and interpret that as permission for them to use that language against someone, including themselves. I don’t want to send that message, especially about someone who serves me.
MB: Animal play is your big specialty. How and why did this become your main interest? Without giving too much away, how do you help a person define or find their animal instinct? Once they do, how liberating is that for the sub and for you?
MM: I love Animal Play because it gives people the opportunity to shed social human etiquette and communicate on an instinctual level- which is pretty much what we do in a BDSM scene anyway. The way I tap into a person’s inner Animal is through a system I created called the Petsy-Madaminal Scale. By asking a series of questions that are designed to stimulate the imagination and guide my Subs into Pet-Space, I bring out their own characteristics, manifested through a glorious Animal that I identify using this system. There’s a digital version of it on my website available to the public right now. Answer a few questions and I can tell you which Petsy-Madaminal group you fall into. Take the full evaluation version and I can personally identify your specific species, environment and social background.
MB: No one comes into this lifestyle knowing everything, even reading books isn’t a real life experience but can enhance your knowledge and skill set. How important is education and attending workshops?
MM: I think education in general is important. Being self taught is valuable and doing research on the specific things you need to know to be successful in your craft is a great idea in my opinion. But in our industry I think getting hands on training from professionals with good track records is the best way to go. One of DomCon’s main focuses is providing the community with quality education; that’s why we host over 50 workshops every convention over a course of a few days. Everything from classes on niche skill sets to business and legal classes, all taught by knowledgeable professionals specializing in the subjects.
MB: You have hard limits listed on your site. Were your hard limits drawn from maybe unpleasant experiences or you were aware of the type of Domme you intended to be?
MM: Most of my hard limits are drawn from either the law, personal boundaries, or safety concerns. Unfortunately a lot of things fall under the legal definition or possible interpretation of prostitution and tragically prostitution is a criminalized offense in most of our country today. I’m not personally interested in offering services like intercourse or any type of oral, but if all sex work were decriminalize I would gladly offer prostate stimulation, maybe not strap on as that’s a personal limit, but anal wands, massages and fistings for sure. These are all things that people should be free to explore and experience with skilled professionals in a safe environment. You can help by telling your representatives you’d like them to support decriminalizing sex work; that’s what I do in the meantime.
MB: Was there ever a time you needed to shut down a session for the safety of you and your client? (this question is optional)
MM: I have never had to call a session although there have been many sessions that I have refused to take. To reserve a session with me, clients have to go through a three step process: my contact form, a deposit, and an interview. By the time I’m in session with a person I’m confident of my safety as well as theirs. If a person shows up intoxicated I have to send them home as you can’t consent if you’re under the influence and I wont session with anyone asking for obviously illegal services. Not respecting boundaries and failing to take what we do seriously is an intolerable red flag for me. Also, not taking no for an answer is a fast track to my banned list.
MB: What should new clients tell you in regards to any health issues before having any sessions with you?
MM: In the interview I have with my clients prior to any session I ask about traumas, triggers and any physical pain or heart conditions that they might have and invite them to disclose anything they feel is relevant. I don’t have anything to worry about in regards to my own safety because there’s no fluid exchange in session with me and because my safety standards are very high my exposure risk is minimal. Simple, safe practices like wearing gloves and sterilizing tools & surfaces with Alcohol or CaviCide before and after play eliminates exposure to pathogens. What I want to know from a client is what I need to know in order to keep them safe and comfortable.
Relationships within the Community
MB: How important is mentorship? How has mentorship fulfill or continues to fulfill your journey?
MM: Mentorship is pretty important to me going both ways. I listen with an open and trusting mind to the people I respect in the industry while I also am constantly offering mentorship to people who can learn from me.
MB: One of the things that brought us to communicate were privacy issues within our community and having outsiders with access to real name or any type of private information that should not be shared. How important it is to respect privacy between other Dommes and even including ourselves.
MM: Privacy is so important. People are not protected from predators, authorities rarely go after stalkers and never go after trolls so protecting and defending ourselves and each other is really the best option we have for reducing the risk of violence within the community. Because data companies and almost every service we use doesn’t respect and protect our privacy, there’s a lot of usable information a person can obtain about someone with just their name and even more with their birthday.
MB: How much should a Domme share of herself? Family photos, children, etc. Yes or no and is it too much info?
MM: I’m not comfortable sharing things like identities of family members or posts that reveal my location. Unfortunately I’ve learned that we’re not really protected from abusive people with ill intentions, not even on a corporate level. The companies that host our profiles and social media sites don’t really care much for our well being. So it’s up to us to protect each other and ourselves, which is why I advocate contributing to community so much. If we don’t protect each other and ourselves we wont be protected. Period.
That being said, I think it’s really important to paint an accurate picture of myself and the type of experience I provide as a professional. Within reason, I like sharing my experiences and what’s on my mind with my fans and clients. Some of the best Submissives I have now are ones who I built a rapport with. So I’d say sharing your personality is good however I wouldn’t advise sharing personal information.
MB: On the other side, how do you ensure the safety and privacy of your clients before, during and/or after a session with you?
MM: On my website, MadameMargherite.com there’s a contact form and on that form I ask a few important questions. The answers to these questions determine whether or not I’m willing to have the person applying in my playspace. By being selective about who I let into the dungeon with me I make sure I’m not inviting anyone with bad or abusive intentions.
The place where I play and take my sessions is Sanctuary Studios by LAX, it’s not only the largest dungeon it’s also well established. Everything I do is professional, legitimate, secure and carefully navigated. I also make sure to only participate in activities I’m knowledgeable and skilled in so to avoid mistakes.
Furthermore, I’m very careful about protecting the privacy of my clients. I don’t discuss the details of a session or personal information about a client with anyone unless there’s a reason to such as a crime or abusive conduct. Luckily, that hasn’t ever happened so far, bringing me back to the effectiveness of my screening process & protocol.
MB: Relationships with other Dommes, supporting and attending events, such as DomConLA, FetCon, etc, how have these events established healthy connections and how important has this been for you?
MM: Something I tell people in our community all the time is that we only have each other, coming together annually to collaborate and have meetings of the minds like this is immeasurably valuable in my opinion. That’s why the moment I was invited to DomCon I committed to contributing any way I could and now I’m on the Advisory Board. These conventions not only create great memories but they also build relationships that we wouldn’t have if we didn’t physically come together like this. Furthermore, when we in the BDSM, Fetish & Leather communities congregate in large numbers like we do for Fetish Con and at Sin in the City for example, we generate political power, and political power is what we need if we’re ever going to combat the oppression, bigotry & the discrimination we’re subject to for our natural, harmless, sexualities.
Developing a strong social presence - Do’s and Don’ts
Using social media as your platform to build a client base?
Disputes with other Dommes?
I’d say Do discuss whatever needs to be discussed with other Dommes, and then usually a dispute won’t be necessary.
Expressing opinions on other lifestyle choices even if you do not agree with them?
Kink Shaming and/or chastising others, a group or other publications?
Offering tips and/or advice?
Keeping an up to date blogs and/or tour schedules?
Attendance of events and workshops?
MB: The dreaded words that ruffles up feathers. FOSTA/SESTA has changed the way sex workers do business. But with this law in place to protect those from human trafficking which is a real problem, people on social media have taken upon the task to be the answer and point of person to these laws, including inciting unnecessary panic. What have been your thoughts in regards to F &S?
MM: FOSTA/SESTA are just symptoms of a problem we’ve been dealing with for a long time. We can focus on these laws individually or we can tackle discrimination at the core of the issue instead of skimming the surface. In my experience, the way to do that is to carefully consider what it is we’re trying to achieve and then find the people with authority over it and persuade them. Different people are motivated by different things, so doing research in finding out what and who exactly you’re dealing with is very important.
MB: How has it changed how you conduct business?
MM: It hasn’t changed how I conduct business but it has changed the way I advertise. I enjoyed using Backpage, it was a really good resource and useful tool. I’m also pretty disappointed, although not surprised, by how a lot of these platforms are responding. Twitter, Patreon, Instagram and especially Facebook censor people to the point of discrimination, yet they have a high tolerance for violent, abusive, degrading attacks on Sex Workers from their members. That’s a real problem for me, and it’s a testament to how these companies view me & my peers. That influences where I spend my money and how I use my power a great deal.
What solutions do you see in the foreseeable future (if any)?
As I said earlier, this is a symptom of bigotry and the solution to bigotry is alway education and discussion. People are usually opposed to things they don’t understand and people remain ignorant until someone engages them with the sincere intent of discussion. When dealing with people who have no interest in learning or discussion and only intend to do harm, then it’s important to do what we can to strip them of their power. How to do that, again, depends on the person and situation we’re dealing with. I recommend reaching out to our representatives and urging them to support decriminalizing sex work for starters. We need access to health care and insurance, we need protection from abusive authorities, and we need landlords and employers to no longer have the power to kick us out and take away our livelihood based on our relationship to sex and our sexualities.
All About You!
MB: What are some of the life lessons you’ve learned along your journey of life both personally and professionally?
MM: One thing that I definitely learned is that agony or happiness is a choice. We can’t always chose what happens to us, what we go through, but we can absolutely chose what to focus on and if we focus on the negativity, how much we dislike something, how sorry for ourselves we are then we will be absolutely miserable, however if we focus on the good things, even if there are only teeny tiny good things, then we’ll be able to be happy. The faster you calm down from chaos and the sooner we accept whatever it is that just happened, the sooner we can live with it.
MB: Do you believe your experiences and life lessons made you the person you are today?
MM: Absolutely, in so many ways. I had an uncle named Joey who really nurtured my imagination, I had tragedies that quickly put into perspective what’s important, and I witnessed suffering that made me intolerant of abuse. Not to mention all the people I’ve met who have contributed to my growth. The amazing thing to think about is that we are constantly, consistently changing; every single thing we experience changes us, even if just a little bit.
MB: Would you change anything?
MM: I’m only interested in changing what might happen in the future, not anything that’s happened in the past.
MB: What memory or memories of the best times of your life keep you grounded?
MM: Believe it or not it’s actually the difficult memories that keep me grounded. They remind me that there were times when things were impossibly bad and yet they didn’t last. There are always good things that wouldn’t have happened if the things that hurt us didn’t happen. Perhaps for some people in some circumstances that isn’t comforting but for me it’s very much how I’m able to just put my head down and plow through difficult times when they come.
MB: Your “must do” rituals to begin your day?
MM I don’t have a “beginning of my day” ritual, but you’ll probably appreciate my Friday night Shabbat ritual. I’m Jewish, and on Friday night as the sun is going down, usually around 7-7:30pm I completely stop working and wash my week away. What that means is I run a thin stream of water and as I wash one hand I think of all the negative memories from the week that’s passed, and wash them away. Then I think about all the memories I’d like to remember and the ones I’d like to make and soak up the clean water as I think about everything I’d like to accomplish and experience in the coming week. Finally when that is done, I cover my head and relax, work free until Sunday morning. It’s important to have one complete day every week to just rest, reflect and be humble.
MB: If you left the BDSM Lifestyle tomorrow, what would you like your subs to remember you most and in what you taught them?
MM: Well for one, I’d like them to remember what I taught them about cleaning their butts. But also I would want anyone who has submitted to me to remember that we can connect with each other on an intimate level without words, and without much introduction, just with the instincts and energy we were born with and developed through simply living, and I want them to remember how liberating being seen can be so that they have the courage to be seen by many, more often.
MB: Advice to new/potential Dommes?
MM: Educate yourself, make sure you know how to perform BDSM activities properly, including activities of the mind.
Don’t listen to anyone who tells you that you can’t be successful at what you know you’re good at.
Get to know your community; doing this is easier and more comfortable when you have friends and resources.
Put integrity over short term profit. The best Dommes are the ones who respect their own boundaries and remember that Submissives are people.
You don’t have to do ANYTHING you don’t want to do except pay taxes and screen your clients.
Know the law, know your rights.
Anything else :-)
Website: MadameMargherite.com (https://madamemargherite.wordpress.com/)
OnlyFans: MadameMargherite (https://onlyfans.com/madamemargherite)
SextPanther: Madame-Margherite (https://www.sextpanther.com/Madame-Margherite)
Twitter: MadamMargherite (https://twitter.com/MadamMargherite)
Instagram: Madame.Margherite (https://www.instagram.com/madame.margherite/)