I had the pleasure of speaking to the owner of Dating Kinky and the passion of starting a site bringing kinksters together and how it works for all of us who are looking to connect with that kinky partner, maybe for life!
MB: Please share what inspired you to start Dating Kinky?
DK: Frankly, what is out there for kinksters to search and find each other for connections left a lot to be desired. As a kinkster and a poly woman, and as someone who has worked behind the scenes of adult chat sites, membership sites, and even as an admin on one of the big kinky dating sites, I feel like I have a unique perspective on what is missing and how to make the kinky dating experience better for all of us.
MB: Other than the business aspect of the site, are you kinky?
DK: Yup. As they say, I'm not just the owner, I'm also a customer. LOL!
Seriously, though. I've been kinky as long as I can remember. My first "official" experience was at The Vault in NYC at 19. I'm a fair piece older than that, now. *smiles*. I started off thinking I was a switch, because, well, I'm greedy, and I thought that was the answer.
I'm a dominant. I can switch in play, as I love a variety of sensations, but I don't think I have a submissive bone in my body. Much respect for those who do.
MB: In your own personal opinion, how important is it for kinksters to connect or date other like minded people?
DK: For me, critical. I wouldn't say there is one hard and fast rule for everyone. I do know that it's hard to create a relationship as a kinkster with someone who does not understand the desires and needs. Not that it can't work. Sure it can. It is an added layer of difficulty, though.
Personally, I feel that connecting with someone who not only understands, but accepts my kinks and explores new ones with me is paramount.
Also, as someone very into D/s, specifically F/m, I find that those men who have at least given thought to the idea mesh best with me. It's against traditional gender roles in many ways, and I prefer partnerships with those comfortable with their choices and want what I want out of life.
MB: Do you believe that some vanilla and kink couples can survive a long term relationship even if that means the kinkster goes out to play parties to fulfill their needs?
DK: Absolutely. I know couples who thrive like this. They are rare. Just as poly/mono couples are rare. BUT, it is doable. People change throughout life. Those who love and accept each other 100% have a better chance, regardless of their inclinations.
MB: With so many kinky related sites, how can a person exploring their needs find what is best for them?
DK: Well, That's a great question. I really inhabit two "kink" sites primarily: FetLife and Dating Kinky. I also admin a few groups/pages on Facebook, Like Women In Charge and Whips, Chains and Duct Tape. Both of these are all about community and education. I'm a BIG believer in education, and learning as much as possible about kinks of all sorts as you grow. So, I suggest joining groups like that, and following discussions and asking questions.
Also, in addition to online, I always recommend that people get out to kink events: play parties, sloshes, munches, conventions, and educational events. I personally travel and teach quite a lot, and my local area has kink stuff going on regularly. I've also lived in places where I had to travel a few hours to attend events, so I did that.
Meeting people in real life, who do what you do, love what you love, and make it work for them is an amazing lesson. Plus, making friends that can show you the ropes, or inspire you in new perversions is always fun. *smiles*
MB: I’m seeing more people on the submissive side coming out and taking a chance in searching out their ‘perfect’ domme. Can people join your site for this purpose and how does it differ from a site like fetlife, for example?
DK: Oh yes. Absolutely. Please! LOL!
FetLife is our kinky Facebook. Dating Kinky is designed to be our Match.com (but free). So, like Fet, we have a variety of gender options, relationship styles and "looking for" choices, we also allow searches, and we connect people on shared interests.
As we grow, this will become even more fantastic. For example: "Women In Charge" is an interest in Dating Kinky. You can add it to your profile, saying you love Women in charge, you want Women in Charge, etc. We have a page devoted to that interest, with a definition, chat room, and content tagged with that.
Other K&I (Kinks & Interests) include: cooking, stilettos, bondage, motorcycles, oral sex, and more.
MB: People including business minded people have developed the “cheap” habit claiming they can get the same services for free. We’ve also the saying, “you get what you pay for”. Do you charge for membership and what are the benefits?
DKL We do not charge for membership. We are a freemium site, similar to FetLife. This means that about 95% of our users will likely never pay us a dollar. 5% will hopefully support us for a small fee that will get them some awesome benefits (like inbox filtering, saved searches, advance notifications of new users matching their preferences, and so on).
As a supporter of FetLife, for example, I believe in putting my money where I see value. I think other kinksters feel the same, and I'm not a fan of the strong-arm approach to paying. We'll also have advertisements on the site (which will be carefully selected), and some affiliate offers that will help support the incredible costs of running a site like this one, and continuing to grow and develop new features (like travel placements, better matching and suggestions, app options, questions matching and more).
MB: Any success stories shared on your site or with you that made you smile?
DK: One in particular. A local dominant woman met a man within a day of signing on, and had the best date of her life within the week. I was surprised and a bit jealous, LOL! That was back in the prototype version of the site. December 2016, I believe. They are still going strong.
MB: Long term goals for Dating Kinky?
DK: Simple: Become the best damn dating site for kinky people.
I love connecting people and improving the community I'm a part of. It's a passion.
https://fetlife.com/NookieNotes or https://fetlife.com/groups/153026