I am very excited to feature Mistress Rage, a long time friend and confident for me and a true supporter of Kink~E Magazine! Please enjoy her interview.
Your name and where do you consider is home base?
MR: Mistress Rage - Western New York State
How were you introduced to the BDSM/Fetish Lifestyle and how long have you been in practice?
MR: Some weird guy offered to be my slave and do whatever I wanted him to. So, I told him to tie himself up in my backyard and then bark if someone came into the yard. As my guests entered the backyard for a New Year’s party, my “dog” barked so viciously at them that they were often afraid to pass the tree he was tied up to. It was in that moment that my life changed. That was nearly 25 years ago.
Was there anyone that cautioned you or suggested this wasn’t a good idea?
MR:I was the only one who had reservations. This wasn’t what I was raised to believe in as a “real job” and I had serious concerns as to whether it was a sustainable occupation with a stable income. All of my friends, however, told me it suited my personality perfectly.
Is there a thriving scene where you live? Do you attend events or workshops?
MR: Upstate New York is boring and conservative. There are some groups in my area (Buffalo, Rochester) but I am not a group person in any area of my life.
Do you “tour” or “travel” for work?
MR:Yes and no. I am a full-time graduate student so I can no longer just pick up and run around. However, when I have small pockets of time to travel I will announce where I am going to be and meet up with any local subs that might be near there.
Favorite place you have traveled and why?
MR:Jamaica hands down. I love SCUBA diving there, the people are friendly, the food is amazing, the foliage is astounding, and the Caribbean is always warm and beautiful.
Least Favorite and why?
MR: Cleveland, Ohio. They have more assholes per capita than anywhere I have ever lived or traveled to. Also, the weather is complete shit in the winter.
Do you consider yourself a ProDomme or both Pro & Lifestyle?
MR: I am both, but other than phone sessions I am pretty much retired
Are you a Real Time Domme, Online Domme, or both? Which one do you find thriving and more lucrative?
MR: I used to be online and real-time with real-time making up about 90% of what I did. Now I do 100% of my work online. I think that in-person sessions made me more money overall, but I think that was because I was far more energetic about creating the Mistress Rage brand back then. I was a work-a-holic and now that energy has been re-directed into my education.
Do you engage in other online activity? (i.e. Skype or kik sessions? Photo sets or video clips? Phone Sex?)
MR:I do phone humiliation sessions and I sell photo sets, fetish videos, and MP3 audio files on various topics.
How important is anonymity for your client especially when Clips4Sale and IwantClips has become a viable business to promote your product and brand?
MR: Anonymity has always been important to me which is why I take precautions with identities. I have some high profiles submissives, so I have been long aware of what they (and I) have to lose should they be found out. For this reason I only use personal slaves for filming.
What are your thoughts about sharing your personal life or others exposing their own personal life (pictures of family members, etc.)? Is it better to keep your pro life and family life separate?
MR: I encourage all Dommes to keep the two separate. I have met some FUCKED people in this line of work; I’m talking about guys that followed Dommes home from their dungeons. Do you really want these people watching your kids leave your house and walk to school in the morning? Not only that, but imagine what other consequences might occur should someone at your kids’ school recognize your kids in the pictures with Dommie Mommy. And honestly, the good subs are not coming here to see your family pics, they are looking for you because they have boners or the need to serve you. On that note, keep your politics out of your business too.
How did you discover you could be a Domme and make money?
In the aforementioned BDSM magazines my first sub (weird guy) brought, there were ads in the back and honestly, most of them were terrible. My exact thought was, “Shiiiiiit, I could do this way better.”
What is the best part, or your favorite part about being a Domme? What is your least favorite part?
MR: My least favorite part is how rude, gross, ignorant, pushy, and stupid the guys can be. My favorite part is the freedom to be myself and say whatever I want to while allowing someone else (the sub) to be their fabulous submissive selves.
Does Domination aspire to serve the needs you would like met?
MR: Not professionally no. Lifestyle D/s, on the other hand, is quite nice and very fulfilling.
What are the most important aspects you search for in a bottom?
MR: Respect and obedience. Using common courtesy and following directions will get you far with me.
Why are these traits or needs important to you?
MR: Respect ensures that I won’t need to punch someone in the mouth for trying to touch me or for saying something out of line. Obedience is important because without it, why the hell are you here?
Whats your specialty fetish(es) and style (examples: sadistic, Mean, Trainer or Teacher, sensual)
MR: Humiliation! I refer to myself as the meanest Mistress in BDSM because I will shred you physically and/or verbally. Not only am I a sadist in the physical sense, but my style also involves a lot of mental D/s. I like to go deep into the brain and make an impression that will never be forgotten.
What are your biggest pet peeves about a sub or slave with any behavior you find inappropriate or unacceptable from a submissive that would shut a session down at once? Hard limits?
MR: Trying to touch me without permission is the worst thing you can do. Hard limits include the usual (kids, animals, unhealthy forms of fetishism), but also any kind of shitty attitude or disobedience will end everything instantly. I have a zero tolerance policy on bad behavior.
What is your favorite punishment?
MR: None of them. If I am punishing a person, it is only because they fucked up. That means I am irritated, disappointed or pissed off (which is the opposite of how I want to feel). I am not the type of Domme who chooses to spank a well-behaved submissive and call it punishment. Psychologically this is often confusing to submissives. My slaves know that behaving appropriately is the only way I will ever be in the mood to play with them. And if I want to spank a slave, I do so because I can. I can do whatever I want without having to resort to bullshit “punishments” that set up a slave to fail.
How should a submissive approach you appropriately?
MR: Read my profile, website, etc and follow the directions. Also, behave in a manner appropriate for a submissive man who is claiming to want to serve a Supreme Goddess.
Do you have specific instructions on your site in what subs should know before approaching?
MR: Absolutely. I have always tried to make it easy for potential submissives to attain the necessary information BEFORE contacting me. I hate having to answer questions repeatedly so I save myself (and the submissive) trouble by giving that information as conveniently as possible.
Do you utilize a system to vet out the fake submissive and what does that entail? What kinds of “tools” do you use?
MR: I have been doing this so long that I can smell the bullshit a mile away. I have learned through experience that serious clients behave in certain ways and people who are full of shit behave in other ways. For new Dommes I would advise this: ALWAYS get paid first.
Was there ever a case you had to turn someone down from serving you? What suggestions did you give in order for a sub to improve?
MR: Gobs, tons, and heaps! Mostly it’s because the person did not read my website and was asking about something that I clearly stated I had no interest in. My advice to those people always involved some rude, smart-assed comment about learning to read.
Do you prefer a few regular, loyal subs? Semi-regulars? Or do you prefer one-off sessions?
MR: I like to see the same subs repeatedly. First, I know them and I know their body. I know what challenges them and what they respond well to. I know how hard and far I can safely push them. They know my rules, preferences, and how to behave around me. Also, there are things that take time to accomplish and those things cannot be done with a one-time visitor.
What sets you apart and makes you different from other Dommes?
MR: Probably my attitude. I am described as being “real” by a lot of people and that is a compliment I appreciate. In truth, I simply don’t care what most people think of me; thus, I have never felt the need to live up to some fantasy Domme image. I am genuine and I rarely hold back. I think this congruence comes through to a lot of people.
What is something you learned or discovered that you wish someone would have told you before you entered the profession and/or lifestyle?
MR: I wish someone would have warned me that these subs rarely read anything. It makes sense though because boners are not conducive to information gathering.
I spent years redesigning websites using different techniques to maximize the probability that the sub would read. Alas, the stupids and lazies will remain so forever and ever.
How important is education and learning is an important aspect of the Domme lifestyle? Does it include some form of CPR?
MR: I think how much education one needs is directly dependent on what kinds of sessions they do. For example, a Domme who specializes in foot fetish probably doesn’t have much she needs to learn to remain safe. On the other hand, someone looking to engage in suspension and piercing will absolutely need some kind of training. As for CPR, I think it’s a good idea for ALL people to have that skill regardless of BDSM proclivities.
What have been the misconceptions of BDSM other than 50 Shades? And what’s the BIGGEST misconception you find to be a reoccurring theme?
MR: The biggest one I ran into was that prostitution and ProDomming were one and the same. While that is certainly true in many cases, it is generalized that way far too often. Another misconception is that Dommes would have a certain 24/7 bitchy personality. I have surprised many vanilla people by speaking to them courteously.
How does the ‘mind-fuck’ element plays a key role in Femdom? Why is it important?
MR: The mind fuck can make a basic session into a mind-blowing experience. A good mind-fuck can take everything a sub knows and turn it upside down. It can augment physical sensation by making it more intense, and it can take a sub into another world entirely. Imagine looking in a mirror and after hearing me speak a few words, a sissy sees his breasts grow into double D’s. Also, a good mind-fuck helps to remind the sub who has the control.
Is there any aspect of Femdom you don’t like?
The only part for which I have a very strong dislike is all of the bullshit people try to pull. Sometimes I have to laugh because the shit they try is hysterical. But mostly it is annoying and I shut it down quick.
What are your thoughts of Female Supremacy? And does it extend beyond the ‘dungeon’?
MR: I have some cognitive dissonance in this area. On one hand, Dommes see some of the worst males society can offer up, and that leads me to lean toward a Female Supremacy way of living in and out of the dungeon. On the other hand, I know some wildly intelligent, courteous, interesting males whom I regard as peers. I also know some raggedy rotten females who are most certainly not superior specimens of humanity. As a result, I am more of a believer in self-supremacy. That is, I am superior to my submissives.
How important are the aspects of mentoring and the relationship you have with mentors and/or mentees?
MR:I was never able to find a mentor because the older Dommes in New Orleans (where I got my start) didn’t want to introduce “competition”. But realistically speaking, this stuff is not difficult to learn. Everything is fairly simple until you get up to suspension, piercing, and things like that.
On the other hand, I have mentored several people and it was a fulfilling experience. They could have figured everything out on their own eventually, but I was able to help them shave off some time from that. Also, I think having a mentor is especially important if you cannot readily share this facet of your life with friends and family or you need to feel like you are not alone with regard to what you are experiencing as a Domme.
What do you think of the ‘instadomme’ phenomena? Are these young ladies looking to make a quick buck or perhaps finding their place and following suit from inexperienced ladies.
MR: The only problem I have with instadommes is that most don’t know what they are doing; thus, they inadvertently fuck up good BDSM. Experienced, quality ProDommes keep their clients in line. They teach them respect, courtesy, good session manners, and so forth. InstaDommes, on the other hand, encourage the guy to talk shit about other Dommes, his own wife, and so forth. They create more work for those of us Dommes who are unlucky enough to encounter one of their “subs”. And then after they come in and fuck about, they disappear leaving the aftermath of their destruction for everyone else to deal with.
How can a slave distinguish the difference a Domme who understands the level of the lifestyle and someone who is just asking for money?
MR: I cannot stress this enough: READ! READ! READ! Look for reoccurring themes in what they say. Overall, is the focus of her website/profile/conversation geared ONLY toward money or does she talk about other activities? I would advise submissive men to go with their gut when in doubt.
How important is it in developing a strong social media presence in order to promote your business accordingly?
MR: I think it depends on what demographic you want. Dommes who want to stick with an older crowd may not need as heavy a focus on social media, whereas a Domme looking to attract clients in their 30’s would be smart to have a good social media presence.
How has EXXXOTICA, DomCon and other shows have helped your business?
MR: They really haven’t because I generally don’t go to them as I am very busy with school. DomCon is an event I am greatly looking forward to attending at some point.
There are those who use their social media platforms to express opinions about BDSM which are not highly regarded as constructive criticism and can be quite hateful. Is it a good idea to express hateful opinions or rather share in a general term or say nothing at all?
Domme bashing yea or nay?
MR: I believe in freedom of speech, including the freedom to offend. So do what you will. However, I also believe that one must be ready for the potential consequences of their actions. You won’t be making many scene friends by talking bad about others and the subs don’t give a shit. On the other hand, are you warning people about someone/something that is dangerous?
Why is it important for yourself and as a community to support the lifestyle and stand with other Dommes?
MR: What affects one Domme affects many, if not all, Dommes. The actions and misbehavior of one Domme can cause problems for other Dommes. The positive education one group of BDSM people provide for the public may help shift views on the entire scene (including the individuals of which it is comprised).
How important is it in developing a strong social media presence in order to promote your business accordingly?
MR: I absolutely use social media. It is a big part of how people find me these days. With that being said, I put limited energy into it. I have seen many social media platforms come and go, so I use social media to supplement my own website which will always be here regardless of which social media site loses popularity (remember MySpace?).
Now with FOSTA/SESTA in place how has this affected how you do business online?
MR: Not at all. Because of the way I run things, there is no reason for me to have any problems with online listings. And I never put all of my eggs in one basket, so I can be flexible when things like this happen. Personally, I have warned ladies for over a decade about being too open with their ads. If you are doing illegal shit, you MUST be discreet about it.
Do you keep a personal blog (not for public consumption) in keeping details of sessions and how does that make you feel when looking back on your notes?
Do you think maybe a session could have done differently?
MR: There are a few. There are sessions wherein I wished I would have known more at the time so I could have gone deeper, or noticed cues that I ended up missing.
What are some of the lessons you have learned so far in life, both professionally or personally? Did these lessons come with difficulty and make you who you are today?
MR: When it comes to adult work, some guys are fucking reprehensible and shouldn’t be walking around free. Give them no leeway. On the other hand, I have grown as a woman, become more confident, and I have learned skills via ProDomming that I have used to help me in nearly every other realm of my life (especially college).
Some of these lessons came with great difficulty, and every single thing that has happened in my life (both BDSM and vanilla) has shaped me into who I am today.
What memories of the best time of your life always keeps you grounded?
MR: That’s personal ;)
What is a leisure day like for you? How important is it to have that personal time for self?
MR: There is rarely a such thing for me right now. I am doing a 3 year Masters degree in 2 years so leisure time involves sleeping and not talking to people LOL.
What are some of ‘must do’ your rituals?
MR: I am not at all ritualistic, and repetition kills my soul. I like every day to be very different from the others. If I had to come up with an answer I would say my shower; I have a process that never changes LOL.
If you left the BDSM life tomorrow, what would you want slaves to remember most about what you taught them?
MR: Two things are important for every slave I own or play with to remember: treat women with respect, and be OK with who you are as long you are not harming anyone.
Advice to mentors or new ladies coming on board and discovering their FemDom side?
MR: Be you. Don’t try to be me or anyone else. FemDom is about a woman doing as she wishes. FemDom is not about living up to the expectations of others. It is owning yourself as a Woman, whatever that may mean for you. FemDom means being yourself even if that self is not yet all you wish it was. FemDom is not about catering to the selfish demands of males. It is about making males love to serve you in the ways you want and only doing the things you enjoy in a scene. Have boundaries and values and stick to them! Also, don’t waste your money on heels and dumb shit. Buy a house, get a college education, buy a vanilla business.
Domme for life or retirement in the future?
MR: I have already retired from in-person stuff. All I do now is phone humiliation and that is only until I get out of school. However, I will be a lifestyle Domme forever because I love having house slaves who run errands, clean up, give me foot massages, etc.
MR: Remain awesome, seek happiness, and never use silicone lube on a silicone dildo.
And your social media and websites: