Straight off the bat, I'm very open about BDSM, purely because I've lived with the taboos for so long that I've come to realise there is literally nothing wrong with it nor myself, it’s just an aspect of my personality that demands a greater amount of trust than I received from others in past relationships and indeed friendships. Does this mean I know how to love more than others? No, it just means that I’m capable of much more than I ever thought possible (and I realise it) and if I am to truly be happy then I want those important to me to realise all that I am going in.
In 2008 I began coming out to my work colleagues about things because the undertones of such feelings come out on Facebook. A few of them always knew I was into the kink, so I had a known foundation that was less likely to surprise them when they fully realised. I have after all been in to it since the age of 15, yet it wasn't until I was 21 that I started really doing something about it.
I'm a 35 year old guy and I've been a Dominant for 13 years now. Yet, I lost my virginity at 24. Do the maths. I've always been that guy who made the pervy comment with the right context at work, soon this got more and more obscure people just worked out that I was literally wired differently.
Coming more out of my kink-shell ended up educating my friends around me as well as myself.
Those who would make my Macchiato in Starbucks for me learned pretty soon what I do. I'm an erotic writer and artist in my spare time so it's really hard to hide the passion I have for BDSM and the lifestyle. And they became my new best friends. I did become a known and predictable quantity, but they felt comfortable with me and to be fair they have always found me interesting and that go-to guy on relationships and particularly now, that guy you ask about Bondage. Doesn't everyone have that person that has the most interesting sex lives...
Now I'm out about it on dating sites, to varying extents. I don't want to waste anyone's time so I address all who may gaze upon my profile as being intelligent people and declare "I'm not out to waste anyone's time nor my own but if you frown upon BDSM or don't have any curiosity for it then you and I aren't meant to me and please pass me by".
I'll also state on, say, Plenty of Fish, that I have a healthy obsession for Silk Scarves. But since 2009, and 2012, through Twitter and Instagram, respectively, I've been a lot more open as my Bio for both is very clear about who I am and what I do. And on Facebook, everyone knows I'm into this lifestyle. Including old school friends of mine.
Some may judge, some may not like it, Here's the reaction they can take, unfriend me. And some did, in the early days. Bit some have stuck around and maybe they're not into it themselves but if I can ask all you guys a question...
Were you, in your youth, someone who was, maybe, not necessarily picked on in school, but ridiculed for any reason, singled out, not treated right and just had douchebags poke fun at you or think less of you, you know... stupid fuckers?
Well I like them knowing that I ended up being far better than they ever saw me. Beating any wrongfully preconceived notions about my individuality of lack there-of. Maybe now they see me as complicated, wrong, perverse, disgusting Or quite possibly a real genuinely lovable, complex, adorable but creative guy that they all got wrong, then I consider that a huge score for me. I can't change who I am. It's there's any problem with me then it's theirs to live with. if they have a problem with me at all, then at least they know what they're dealing with.