Domination Nation Interview with Mistress Harley
Mistress Harley, Hollywood, CA
-How did you find the Domination life and how does it serve you?
I was a casual player in the local BDSM scene in the San Francisco Bay Area for about 10 years and always loved the leather community. I loved playing and started co-hosting play parties. Eventually people started requesting to play with me frequently enough and offering me money to do so, and my "career" naturally evolved to the point where it made more sense for me personally and financially to be a full time Pro Domme. I am naturally dominant and love being in a community of people who are eager to serve me and treat me with the respect and adoration I have become accustomed to.
-What have been the misconceptions of BDSM?
In my experience the misconceptions around BDSM often have to do with consent and simply people being judgmental of other people's turn ons. I think many vanilla people view BDSM as "abusive" or harmful while people who engage in it literally think of it as "play." As long as BDSM actives occur between consenting informed adults I don't think any fetishes are off limits.
- Why is it important to educate oneself about Fetish Lifestyle and BDSM? Should you know any method of CPR?
All activities in life carry risks, whether it is driving a car or being bound and gagged for hours at a time. In establishing consent I think it is very important to establish safe words (or signals in the case of gagged slaves) so that in case of any real emergency play can be halted. I think *everyone* should know CPR, not just people who play in the fetish lifestyle. I also ask my long term slaves about ongoing health problems or issues, sometimes knowing something simple can really affect the choices I make when we play.
-Why is mind fucking an important aspect of BDSM and is it the main aspect?
Getting inside someone's head is the most fun aspect of BDSM for me. Figuring out what makes a sub weak and obedient is always important to me. It is important that a Domme understand how to create the power exchange between herself and her sub using the mind first, toys like whips and chains are only to reinforce this reality.
-Thoughts on Dominatrixes flaunting personal life (example, pictures of children, etc.) – should it be done, yes or no?
Personally I don't do much of this unless someone in my personal life specifically wants to be involved. I consider it a consent issue, people who don't consent shouldn't be exposed to something that is inherently sexual. That said, I don't think that MY choices for my life should be enforced on other Dommes, if they are comfortable with it then I don't judge.
-With the explosion of the internet and the social lifestyle of BDSM, how important is community support between Dommes?
There is so much discrimination against Dommes and other sex workers that without some sense of community we are in danger of being regulated out of existence. I think about how many payment processors don't support Dommes or other sex workers (like Paypal). If Dommes can form a real community of professionals who use tools like banking, social media, etc. we can band together as a real demographic. Without community we will always be marginalized by the very tools and services we use like banks, payment processors, and social media sites.
-How can a slave distinguish the difference a Dominatrix who understands the level of the lifestyle and someone who is just asking for money?
Honestly I think it's pretty easy to do your homework on a Domme. Most of us who are in the lifestyle have written extensive blogs, done lots of promotional material, or even done speaking engagements and publicly supported the lifestyle. If the only form of verification that this person is "real" is a short video and a bunch of Instagram photos they are probably just trying to make a quick buck. People with a real presence online and in the real time world have a lot of evidence of their accomplishments.
-How important is anonymity for your client especially when Clips4Sale has become a viable business to promote your product and brand?
I have a lot of slaves who wish to remain totally anonymous and especially in Hollywood. I also have many slaves who crave to be exposed. I never have a problem letting the anonymous boys stay behind the scenes while those who crave exposure stay in the front of the scenes. Often I find that the clips where I am alone being sexy and mean sell just as well as those with subs in them, so I don't really consider this an issue.
-What are the most important things a slave should know when seeking your services?
That I don't serve them, or provide "services", they should always expect to be servicing me.
-Your favorite fetish session?
I love shopping with my slaves, making them walk behind me on a leash and carry all my bags. It is totally "vanilla" and appropriate to do in almost any setting, but is often the most humiliating thing for my slave.
Ballbusting is SO very satisfying. I love being able to just kick a man in the balls and watch him cry.
-Your biggest Pet Peeve when a slave disobeys:
When there is a lack of communication. I understand that not all commands can be obeyed immediately. I appreciate it when a slave says something like "Mistress I am very sorry but I can not accomplish that right now because of..." with an explanation rather than to just say "No" or argue with me.
-Where can your future slaves find you?
MistressHarley.com or on Twitter @Techdomme
All photo credits are by Mistress Harley