Nearly every day I spend among the hedonists and kinksters of the online world, I am greeted with a familiar refrain:
“You don’t act submissive. I wouldn’t have known if you hadn’t told me.”
Now, to be honest, none of us - Dominant or submissive, top or bottom - walk around with a sign on our forehead declaring kinky status. Although, I’m sure there’s someone out there in this world with a questionable and regretted tattoo. No, regardless of which side of the slash we fit best, you can almost never tell. Unless we want you to know.
When I’m given this semi-confessional, this almost apologetic admission of error on their part, it’s usually in response to the things I say about owning my sexuality or the brazenness in which I attempt to build a career. I’m not alone in this. Plenty of submissives are ambitious and talented. We’re driven and mindful. We want to be the best at what we do. We’re working hard towards our version of success.
Which, frankly, is what makes us damn good submissives. Sure, we’ll give a demure, “Yes, Sir” or “No, Ma’am” when it’s necessary. But we’ll also look you in the eye and say, “This is wrong” or even a bold “No.”
The strength is what, in part, allows us to bend down to the one deemed worthy of control over us. Our submission is earned, as is our respect and loyalty. And once you’ve run the gauntlet and passed the test, we gladly and gratefully hand over as much or as little power and control as we dare. We make the one who would command us work hard for the honor. Only the worthy survive the battle. And it is a battle. Of wills. Of minds. Of trust.
Once you have that much of our souls, you’re in possession of a partner. We’re the yin to your yang, the up to your down, the softness to your strength, and when necessary, the determination to your own self-doubts. Strong submissives don’t necessarily wait for an order, a task, or a predetermined time for a predetermined ritual. We prop you up when you’re flagging. We carry you when believe you can no longer carry on.
We let you use us. We let you break us. We let you do so much. Because we know who we are. Because you’ve earned the privilege.
When you find one of us still meek, mild, and a little unsure out there in the wild, be careful. Once that submissive feels the reality of who we are for the first time, we can become an unstoppable force. Serving someone who is worthy. Submitting to the one who deserves it. Kneeling to the dominant of our choosing. At those moments, even we feel our power and our sureness in the world, maybe even in the Universe. That submissive will change before your eyes.
Shoulders straighten. Jaw firm. Backbone steeled.
Treat that strong submissive right. Take care of them when they won’t take care of themselves. Cherish the submission they offer you.
Because that submissive can and will go through hell for you - and with you.